Hello, friends.
The other day, I was reading a post that struck me. A woman was feeling very low concerning the fact that one of her friends, who she had invested her emotions in deeply, had seemed to move on, and wanted nothing more to do with her. Had, in fact, shunned her. Her response was to feel devastated and forlorn.
I’ve thought about that for a number of days now, felt it deeply, mulled it over, and decided to write about it at this time.
We live in transient times. People flow in and out of our lives with great ease. Almost too easily. Lack of solid community can make us callous and uncaring.
I have learned, throughout my ordeal with GBS, that it is a great mistake, at least for me, to put too much stake in what I thought were friendships.
Before I contracted GBS, I thought I had a great many friends. I mean, really, really great friends. We hung out all the time, did all kinds of activities together. We shared our secrets with each other, stayed up late into the night to hash out our life problems, played Poker or Cribbage, and so on and so forth.
I had one, who I thought was particularly close, who I put up at my place for a number of months, at no charge, and was happy to do it. Scotsmen can hie to the Savannah. Another, who I have known since the ’70’s, is now no more than a wisp of a memory. He disappeared so fast, he left skid marks.
Well, he took a Russian Mail-Order Bride, so that must explain everything. One must never stand in the way of Glasnost.
I look around. It’s amazing!
Two years with this thing, and guess what? By and large, they are all gone. Of the meager few that are left, if I don’t initiate contact with them, I never hear from them at all. This, from people I have known for decades.
It’s dismal, and I’m about done. Too much one-way effort.
I have had to think on this phenomenon long and hard to make some sense of it.
I know they liked me. I’m a pretty smart cookie, and I believe I would know if they were false or not. They weren’t. I’m absolutely sure of that. So, what is it that makes people hit the road like they do? Why do people bail so easily?
I try to minimize the fact that GBS had anything to do with it. But, it’s hard, ya know? I mean, if I were still healthy, and didn’t have this, and was still living in Atlanta, I think most of them would still be around. I would still think they were my friends. However, such is not the case. Life turns can really be an eye-opener.
The whole thing makes me take stock. It might make you want to take stock too. How many of your acquaintances, or friends, have you lost during your ordeal? Who has disappeared? Who has stayed? It’s quite a thing to contemplate. How many do you have to initiate with, just to have them respond back to you? How many others have split for the coast?
I will admit, I’m a bit jaded by the whole thing. I mean, even my family pretty much ignore me now, though I can’t for the life of me figure out what I did wrong by them, except try to cope with this thing the best I can. Not a one of them has ever been disabled, but they sure do have their opinions about who I should be, and how I should conduct myself. I don’t live my life to their satisfaction.
Suffice it to say, after my Mom died, they endured me until I was forced to find new lodgings, and then they could finally wash their hands of me.
A little background: After I got GBS, my Mom was adamant that I come and stay with her and heal, even though some of my other family members were against it. If it wasn’t for my deceased Mom’s adamant stance, they would have been fine and dandy to ignore my GBS troubles in Atlanta from the outset, and let me live on the street. One of my Sisters even suggested that that is where I belonged.
I have three Sisters. One has stood up for me, until recently. Two could not really care less. Plain and simple, but true.
I have one Sister, who’s husband is on the National Board for MS. I asked him if he could do anything for us with GBS. He said, well no, we don’t have enough numbers.
We suck as a demographic.
My Dad had Polio when we all grew up, and by and large, he didn’t handle his disability very well at all. Maybe I’m a reminder of all of that, with my sibs. Whatever.
I asked my old Pool League members if they would please pass the hat for me. I’d been with them for over a decade. Any idea how degrading it is to even have to ask?
I mean, I’ve only been able to earn $350 in the last TWO YEARS! Know what I heard back? Nothing. Hello? Please take a moment to ponder what I just wrote. Two years. $350.00. How would you do with that kind of income? Would you be homeless, or worse? Perhaps dead? I constantly live on the edge, knowing full well that if I were left alone, I probably would not last a month.
I’ve received nothing from the Government. I don’t qualify. I don’t have an appropriate Disease. Oh, they have Maple Syrup Disease, but nothing for us who’s nerves have been ripped out from under us, usually in a matter of days, with no sign of getting them back for years at a time.
I’ve received nothing, except the generosity of one loving woman on this planet, who lets me stay at her house, and sees to it that I have a place to sleep and food to eat; a place to bathe and feel safe, and who has shown me an amazing amount of unconditional caring, in spite of the fact that I am, indeed, a pain in the ass, and a considerable expense to her. A Saint.
I feel like Russell Crowe, in Cinderella Man, who stands in front of people and says, “You all know me. If I had any place else to go, I wouldn’t be here”. However, in that movie, some folks were moved to help, and get his life recharged. In my real life movie, everyone is deaf, and could not give a shit.
It is a sad state of affairs, but it is what it is. I would be a fool if I thought I could see into the hearts of others.
However, this is not what I am wanting to dwell on in this post, though it needed saying, and I’ve gone on about it for a while.
What I want to state is the spiritual nature of who we are and what we are connected to.
I am a huge believer in the concepts espoused in the Science of Mind, written so eloquently by Ernest Holmes. Please, do not confuse this with Scientology. They have nothing whatsoever in common.
One of the things that he speaks of, is that All Things Shall Come and Go, but a Person’s Relationship with God is the Only Thing that is Truly Eternal. It is in the Nature of Things that others shall move into and out of our lives. But, in the long-run, only God will be there as our Constant Companion, as a part of our own Being, in an Everlasting Way. The One is not separate from the Me, or the You. Both, are One.
Might not be a bad idea to make friends with the Big Kahuna, and figure out what the deal is, ya think?
So it is Good to be of good cheer, knowing that there is always One who will never leave You, never abandon You, and will always live within You to be the voice that propels You to go and seek Your ever-increasing Joy and Opportunity, in all it’s Manifest Forms.
To give You advice, and encouragement. To seek Goodness and Happiness, to strive to overcome, to enjoy the splendor of the day and the night. To hear the beauty in another person’s voice, the delicious taste of another person’s lips, the sweet smell of their body.
To seek and experience the joyousness that can always be found, if we but look and pay attention.
But also to not forget that all this shall pass, as it must, so don’t put too much weight on it staying around. It all changes in a New York Minute.
Also, remember: There are always more fine adventures in the offing, and that is a good thing, too. I would be stupifingly bored out of my socks if things were stagnant, and the horizon were not dimmed on purpose.
As Holmes so wonderfully stated: Either God is Everything, or God is Nothing. I choose the Everything approach. It’s my choice, and I like that option the Best.
I have enjoyed my friends. They have been marvelous. I wish them well, and encourage them on their own adventures. They might also have their own issues with people coming and going. How do I know?
It is the way of things, I think, and I hope we all become okay with that. It’s hard, but I’m learning.
Be Well.